Minerva Wanders

 I just got back from my fourth trip to Kentucky.  I'm only going to talk about the last three tho.  We have an annual trip now, every May to the Bourbon trail.  Year one was an accident.  I had just moved out on my own.  Here I was a 48 year old woman who'd never lived by herself (it may have felt like it, but not technically).  My marriage of 27 years had just ended.  I'm not ashamed to say i was freaking out just a bit.  Let me tell you, I have GREAT friends.  from now on instead of trying to keep it anonymous by using words like bestie and new bestie, and whatever nonsense I used before, I'm going to call them by initials.  Not necessarily her initials, but initials just the same.  And make no mistake, they are GREAT.   So, BA says we gotta get you out of town girl! and picks me up in her really cool convertible.  you know me, always up for an adventure.  We were going to go to the east coast because we ...

Driving was unsettling for a native of flat, green land.  The pay off though, made me absolutely giddy. Seeing California's giant redwoods was on my list since elementary school.  They were the reason for the trip but I've written about it before so let's back up to San Francisco.   I did not like it.  It turns out to be a medium sized town with a population I'd say was 4x too big.  Mom and I stayed in a tiny expensive Airbnb. I wanted to stay in the Mission district close to the "action" which turned out to be a farmers market.  This is where Mom learned about Uber.  Imagine you see your child running towards a stranger's car with no explanation.  I apologized promptly and gave her the low down.  What I couldn't explain was the other passenger, asleep and heavily pierced. She adapts quickly tho and asked the Latino driver where to go for Mexican.  Alas it's a seafood town so slim options.  Ok, so the sea lions are great. The b...

 He pushed it off as long as he could.  The last of the paper work that tied them together was the car's title.  They met at the DMV early.  Anyone who might question his whereabouts could assume it was work.  He was nervous anyway.  He didn't know why.  It was his choice to end the marriage.  Maybe it was because he found her unpredictable.  Would she be angry?  More likely, would she have those big hopeful eyes on the edge of tears?  He always worried about her.  He always felt responsible somehow.  It was exhausting.   But here she was.  Same as she always was.  Careless in her appearance, her hair a tangle and her face plain, maybe a bit more tired and are her legs really that hairy?  And glasses?  that's new.   "how ya doing" she asks.  "early" he grunts.  "yeah, i was gonna bitch, but i figured you have shit to do" she responds.   They head inside.  The...

 Daniel lived for one day.  I just learned his name today.  Mom just learned his name today.  Daniel was technically her brother.   When Mom was six, Grandma was pregnant.  One day she lost the turkeys.  How does one lose turkeys?  Beats me, but you better get them back when its your livelihood, no matter how pregnant you are.  Well, shit happens, Grams fell in a ditch.  That means she treated herself to a hospital birth, rather than a home birth.  Seems nothing could be done.  There apparently was skull damage of some kind, so he wasn't long for this world.  He cried all night and could not be consoled, until death took away all his pain.   Grandpa bought a tiny casket.  the image alone is enough to move the coldest heart.  So Daniel was blessed and buried properly to show, though his time with us was brief, he was loved.  Thus insuring his place beside God, as one of his most precious and ti...

Mom used to buy cookie crumbs.  You know mom was a tenet farmer so you know she was poor. I don't know how her experience compares to the average kid in Italy in the early '50s.  Maybe buying cookie crumbs was a common thing.   Nowadays Mom likes to talk about all the good things to eat and how once you know what's out there, well, you just can't go back.  So she yells at me for eating that big cookie, too much sugar, but she knows I don't know about being satisfied by crumbs.  She feels indulgent splitting a sandwich and cocktails at the hotel bar, but she looks around and sees just average folk doing the same.  She looks at me and says, so this is how you live, hmm?  Shakes her head, "we're being indulgent" thoughtful pause "and I like it!"

 I just had a birthday.  A big one.  So I got out of town!  All I wanted was a secluded white sand beach and sunshine.  The gulf coast of Florida fits the bill.  Anything in the southern half will also have the heat.  All in all, it was great, but that's not funny, so let's talk about red tide.   I always thought red tide was like, an Ohio State football thing.  Turns out, its a bacteria that gets stirred up in hurricanes and kills the fish and irritates your asthma.  My secluded beach?  Yep, covered in dead fish.  No exaggeration, every three feet, dead fish.  It stunk. So up the coast we go!  Sure enough, on the public beaches I got everything I needed.  We even got in the water.  Last day, we start wondering why everyone is coughing?  I insisted I inhaled too much sunscreen (I like the spray kind).  Also, I inhaled bacon at breakfast.  Then there's all the things that dry you out at th...

How do you know a seagull is concussed?  This isn't a riddle or anything.  I don't know the answer.  It's an honest question I never had the chance to ask.   So, let's set the scene.  It's another beautiful day on the beaches of the gulf coast of Florida.  I'm there with some old friends and some new friends and some middle friends.  We're basking in the sun, soaking up the vitamin D, boozing it up.  You know, my basic modus operandi.  Along comes this girl in a super cute, hot pink bikini.  She's intent on getting this bird.  Yes, she thinks she's going to get this bird.  She is determined!  Of course she doesn't come close.  But get this, she leaves and comes back with a pail and shovel!  How does she know which bird is her victim?!  She must be intent on doing this bird harm, right?   Everyone just thinks she's batshit.  I can't accept that.  I have theorized this bird has taken h...