Minerva Wanders

 Jesse had come to love the Nature Realm.  This was her fourth retreat and she had come to think of David and Alana as family.  Whenever life was too much, she sought relief in silence, and the silent retreats had become an annual tradition.  But, whooo buddy, would it be enough this time?  you see, Jesse was dying.   It felt like Death was fucking with her in particular.  Why?  Because of her husband Mark.  Jesse and Mark got married when they were 25.  When Mark was 28 he died, motorcycle accident.  Now only four years later, Death was sniffing around her door again.   After Mark's death, that was the first time Jesse sought out the silent retreat.  All the sad faces and condolences constant in her everyday life, weren't helping.  A place where no one knew her and even if they did, they couldn't talk to her?  Were encouraged to not even acknowledge her?  Sounds perfect!  That first retreat h...

 Everyone balked at the silence part.  I insisted that was the best part and it was.  I can be a chatty chatter.  Sometimes though, its just nice to shut the fuck up.  And small talk?  ug.  Small talk with new age hippies?  The worst.  So silence never bothered me.   What was painful was being without entertainment.  I am a slave to my phone.  Facebook, Insta, various games, Duo Lingo, the news, the weather, zillow.  I need constant distraction!  I wanted to be all in for this retreat tho.  I left my phone alone.  I had a book.  There were some short hiking trails.  I built a fire.  Still the boredom was heavy.  I craved a movie.  I was so bored I went to each and every "class".   I was expecting exercise like yoga.  I didn't know what breema was exactly, but it sounded like movement.  Mostly it was all meditation.  I did a lot of looking inward and it t...

 watch your thoughts as they may become words.  watch your words as they may become actions.  watch your actions because that's who you are.   I'm reading a book about improving your habits.  It's been a revelation.   I thought I was just being realistic.  I didn't need to be nice to myself.  I know I'm fat.  I'm not being negative, just real.  Well guess what?  Maybe if you think of yourself as fat, you'll act fat.  Go ahead and eat that cookie.  Go ahead and clean your plate.  After all you are a fat girl and that's what fat girls do.  Naps!  Y'all know I love naps.  Because I'm a fat, tired, old lady!  Well no more.   It made me think of a recent incident.  For some reason BA asked me what kind of animal I am.  I don't remember why.  I immediately said bear.  I like bears.  they're big lugs, that love picnic baskets.  Then I remembered she once c...

 Dream interpretation!  Isn't that fun.... I'm running with three tigers.  They're wild.  I'm leading the trio for now, BUT I must be vigilant.  They are wild after all.   I remember hiding from the one, in a bathroom of all places, not even my own.  He is ambivalent about hurting me.  He is simply dangerous by nature and is drawn to me.  How lucky.  I couldn't hide forever, so when the coast is clear, I go.   He finds me.  Why does he want to be near me?  Then here comes another tiger and now a third.   Soon I'm not running from them but running with them.  Running isn't even the right verb.  It's more like gliding.  Maybe I'm a tiger too.  And what's this?  We are in my childhood neighborhood.  That means we're on my turf now.  Maybe I can  alpha these bitches.   So the interpretation part.  According to the internet, dreaming of bathrooms means y...

 I pay someone to stretch me now.  My flexibility has never been good.  I hate yoga because of it.  My last vacation flexibility became an issue.  You know me.  I want to see it all.  Everyday we walked over 20,000 steps.  that means my mornings were crippling.  I had to stretch for 20 minutes before i could walk like a human being.  that's just my calves.  i shouldn't say 'just'.  my calves are the worst.  most of the stretches i do myself can't get deep because my calves won't allow it.  in other words, every stretch is a calf stretch.  I think I even shocked by professional stretcher with this one.   Anyway, after my paid for stretch the other day, i hopped in and out of my car like a teenager.  I didn't even realize that was a problem.  my movement at work is better (where I sit a lot).  So worth it.  And it seems to last more than a day.   I do resent paying for it tho...

 My only wish was to go to Frenchman Street.  Many years ago I had been to Preservation Hall but had not been impressed.  So this time I knew the deal.  Frenchman is where you go for music.  We were not let down.  the first place (Bamboula's) had a great band.  Many of the members were performing in Jackson Square earlier that week.  Gimme a trumpet playing band any day.  They did a great rendition of It's All Over Now by the Stones.  We danced.  We drank.  We moved on.  the next place had a banjo (the Spotted Cat).  Still fun, but let's go to the craft fair next door.   We visited a few other places.  The last place (?) had a wonderful female vocalist.  She'd give Adele a run for her money.  She finished her set far too quickly.  In fact I couldn't help but notice, we kept arriving during the last song or two of every set.   I got a taste.