Silence and death part 1 - a story I made up out of boredom

 Jesse had come to love the Nature Realm.  This was her fourth retreat and she had come to think of David and Alana as family.  Whenever life was too much, she sought relief in silence, and the silent retreats had become an annual tradition.  But, whooo buddy, would it be enough this time?  you see, Jesse was dying.  

It felt like Death was fucking with her in particular.  Why?  Because of her husband Mark.  Jesse and Mark got married when they were 25.  When Mark was 28 he died, motorcycle accident.  Now only four years later, Death was sniffing around her door again.  

After Mark's death, that was the first time Jesse sought out the silent retreat.  All the sad faces and condolences constant in her everyday life, weren't helping.  A place where no one knew her and even if they did, they couldn't talk to her?  Were encouraged to not even acknowledge her?  Sounds perfect!  That first retreat helped her heal.  She remembered all the good things about Mark.  She remembered all the good things about herself.  She could imagine a life, a good life, even without Mark.  She found in herself strength.  

At the end of the retreat, she shared with David and Alana her reasons for being there and healing she felt because of it.  Tears came then.  With the breaking of the silence came her final collapse.  It was okay.  She knew what strength was in her.  She was going to be okay.  

Back to present day, here she was again.  Retreats all start the same. Everyone goes around and talks a bit about what brings them there.  She hated this.  Anonymity was why she came here.  Fuck telling these strangers anything.  She imagined the looks of pity, the hugs that meant nothing to her, the unsolicited advice.  No one would be thinking about their own journey if she shared her truth.  She did seek out a moment of privacy with David and Alana.  They may be new age hippies, but they were professional new age hippies!  There something detached about their caring.  She could tell them anything and they would be compassionate but not emotional.  

This time it was her own death she needed to come to terms with.