The Silent Retreat

 Everyone balked at the silence part.  I insisted that was the best part and it was.  I can be a chatty chatter.  Sometimes though, its just nice to shut the fuck up.  And small talk?  ug.  Small talk with new age hippies?  The worst.  So silence never bothered me.  

What was painful was being without entertainment.  I am a slave to my phone.  Facebook, Insta, various games, Duo Lingo, the news, the weather, zillow.  I need constant distraction!  I wanted to be all in for this retreat tho.  I left my phone alone.  I had a book.  There were some short hiking trails.  I built a fire.  Still the boredom was heavy.  I craved a movie.  I was so bored I went to each and every "class".  

I was expecting exercise like yoga.  I didn't know what breema was exactly, but it sounded like movement.  Mostly it was all meditation.  I did a lot of looking inward and it turns out I'm fairly shallow.  One day I did five hours of meditation.  It created in me a disdain for all navel gazing.  

Now the funny part.  There was only one other guest, so a total of four of us, two hosts, two guests.  I had the cabin by the lake.  I wanted to be away from everyone.  Little did I know!  

Next time, I'll find regular camping.  It turns out all I need is a place in nature, maybe by a lake, to spread a blanket, read a book and eat snacks.  Birds tapping at your window bright and early, that's nice.  Ground hogs under the floor boards, that's fun.  Watching deer casually climb a hill, that's different.  I guess I can put up with the occasional small talk.  But my phone?  Nope.  Can't live without it!