Lust and wasted time

Let's talk about my lover.  It's time.  

Imagine willing to risk it all just to feel the touch of a particular man.  This isn't about love.  Love will make you do crazy things, think stupid thoughts, we all know this, either from experience or from the movies.  Me personally, love made me a little dumb, but nothing like this.  This is lust.  Lust is not a sin. Let's compare lust to hunger or thirst or air.  It's necessary for survival.  

well enough of me trying to justify my bad behavior.  

We were both married.  I was unhappy with my husband and my sex life.  He claimed his wife wasn't affectionate enough either.  One day he took a huge risk and ran a finger along my thigh.  I had a run in my stocking.  That was the tipping point.  There was no going back for me.  I thought about that moment for days.  "I shouldn't, I shouldn't, I shouldn't.  But I'm gonna."  It meant risking our marriages, our jobs, maybe even being arrested.  But once I got a real taste, there was no room in my mind to ponder the risks.  It was too busy with obsession.  His cologne.  His mouth.  The magic in his fingertips.  OB-SESH-ON.    

The first time I trembled, literally trembled, with want.  But he was slow.  Slow and tender, both with his mouth and his fingers.  and every single time after that was just as electric.  

It petered out as all things must, but it took about 15 years.  As far as I know we got away with it.  It stopped maybe two years, maybe three, before my husband left me.   I credit our affair with keeping my marriage together.  A white lie I tell myself?  Or a real need being fulfilled in order to keep my sanity.  Not to mention to avoid a confrontation with the husband.  Whatever.  

I hesitate to share details.   Describing the physical acts could never do my orgasms justice.  Describing the where and how is too crass.  I actually started to type it out but, whew, it was too much!  Maybe another time.  We almost did get arrested once.  heh heh!  

So how do I keep my cool?  I still see him.  Maybe I could still have him?  Deep down I want no part of the casual 'just getting by' thing.  I want more.  I want what all the fairy tales promise me.  Being married to the wrong man definitely made it impossible to find Mr. Right.  I don't need the distraction of an unavailable man now.  I'm getting too old for this shit.  


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