I've Got Two Tickets to Paradise!


 Ten nights in the Carribean!  Doesn't that sound like a dream!?  Beautiful blue waters, sunshine galore, rum, exotic islands, more RUM, breezy beaches, shopping deals, and maybe a little more rum!  This little sailor has come to appreciate a cruise ship.  Drink up, eat up, and kiss up (to me).  High expectations were had by all (me and BA)!  Now for reality.  I don't want to be too negative.  I was after all, on vacation.  Still.  Apparently only old people take ten-day cruises.  Old folks and Australians, but the senior citizens were in the lead.  We overheard more than once others commenting on the number of walkers and canes that seemed to abound.  So, let's just say the vibe was off.  Pool side activities were decidedly not 'sexy'.  Service was not superlative.  We tried to order poolside, and our drinks never found us.  Someone got yelled at for not being where their medallion reported them being.  These medallions were supposed to help with service.  At first every bartender knew our name, and supposedly where to find us.  After a while every bartender was just fed up.  I sensed a lot of frustration from the crew which meant they didn't have time to pander.  That's why I'm here folks.  Back home I get little respect.  I'm a middle-aged lady looking to recapture some of that attention I thought would never end!  

I suppose I should explain the Australians.  Month long vacations are common practice amongst the Aussies.  So a ten day cruise doesn't cut into one's job and responsibilities.  I shouldn't be surprised.  Australia is an island.  You know how those islanders are.  Zane is from Australia.  He was alone on board, and we met him at Single's hour.  That's how I know about Australians.  Somehow I am able to just go up to people and start talking, and that's what I did with Zane.  Alone and single?  Hi! my name is...  i don't really find you attractive but let's see if you're interesting.  We ran into him often.  BA left me alone with him in the hopes I'd get laid.  I bet it was so she could sleep in peace and quiet.  (I snore.)  Anyway he informed me he had a girl back home and that's that.  Or so I thought.  I relayed this story to my pervy friend, KB.  He's sure I missed the underlying invite to participate in a threesome.  With the girlfriend over video would it feel more or less awkward?

We hit six islands.  Oh the islands!  Gimme that music, that attitude, that rum!  The ocean breezes, the beautiful trees, the heat.  I say all this because I don't want to sound ungrateful.  Remember everything is an adventure.  I just hate when the adventure is on a timeline.  I hate being in the tourist port and being 'hunted'.  After a while they all blend.  Even the sparkly jewelry got old.  I've decided cruising is for the boat, not for the destinations.  You want a destination?  Pick one and stay a few days.  You want to get drunk poolside and not have to drive to dinner?  Take a cruise.  Maybe seek out the Australians!  

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