The Time of Your Life

 It was the best times of his life.  He was young.  He was living on his own.  Ok, he had a roommate but the house was big, and he was away from his parents and older sister.  It was the freest he'd ever felt before or since.  JT was 18 years old, going to the University of Akron, had a job thus spending money, a cool car and the world was his oyster.  He's told me (in recent times) that my friendship meant a lot to him back then.  He's older now.  He has a beautiful wife, three great kids, house in the suburbs, and an impressive job title.  Still when his oldest went off to college, he was jealous.  "Soak it all in", he said.  

I'm happy I was part of that time for him.    I also look back fondly, but it's not the same.  I was still living under my parents' roof, though I went to the same school and had the same job.  I had a boyfriend in the military so long distance was our thing.  Those were my tethers.  My parents still had some control over my life, and I felt allegiance to my man.  Still, with him out of the picture, I came into my own.  I grew.  

JT and I became best friends.  It was innocent.  We were innocent.  Everyone else saw it, but I refused to acknowledge it.  Denial has always been my go to.  We, of course, fell in love.  How long did the magic last?  One summer?  Oh that summer.  That perfect summer still stirs something in my heart.  But I was always the good girl, so nothing came of it.  In my innocence though, I thought I could play with fire.  I thought I controlled every thought in my head and heart!  What a dope.  And to be honest, not that good of a girl.  

As you know, I married my man.  JT and I were never the same.  There was never a big falling out or anything.  I wanted to remain friends but my old man put his foot down.  He had good reason to, but that's a whole other story!  We stayed vaguely in touch with the rare email.  Still do.  

It baffles me.  Our friendship only lasted three years or so, but it still echos inside my heart.  He was always my "what if" guy.  He was the only man i seriously ever considered leaving my man for.  Here it is, 30 years later and I'm still holding on to that special feeling.  What a dope!  Really!

Perhaps I'm wiser now.  I keep my distance.  I keep emails rare and lacking in personal details.  But still I dream.