More Key Stories

When I first visited the Key's with my brother, he said something to me I'll never forget.  Now you can show others all these places.  It was a passing of the torch.  I am obligated, no more than that, honor bound to share with as many as possible the beauty and magic of the only islands worth driving to!  I'm doing my best.  

Let's talk about 2012.  A friend and I are chatting over tacos and margs and she says to me, let's go to the Keys for my birthday.  I barely pause.  Yes, I say, we shall.  This was a time in my life when i was a hyper planner.  I immediately began my research and started sending her VRBO's.  we got a place a block off Duval.  Cocks woke us every morning!  Ok, so they're of the rooster variety.  Anyhow, I decided it would be fun to fly into Fort Lauderdale and drive down.  We ended up getting a convertible because the rental agency pushed it on us.  It is now a must.  So here we are cruising down A1A, feeling like a million bucks.  On the way to Key West we stopped at all the places my brother showed me, sharks at the World Wide Sportsman, the big lobster Betsy, walking the old Seven Mile bridge to Pigeon Key, breakfast at Robbie's.  Then there's all the new places we discovered, No Name Key and the Key Deer, Fort Zachary.  

Key Deer deserves a whole paragraph.  First of all, you're not supposed to go looking for them on purpose.  They are endangered.  so, when we stopped the car to check one out, we got in trouble.  We were so giggly we did not care!  I assumed it would be skittish.  Nope, he (or she) came right up to the car and peeked inside.  Its eyes are about top of door level.  so we're jumping around and freaking out it general.  And giggling, don't forget giggling.  My friend was particularly thrilled as she had wanted to see one since she was a tot.  Life long dream fulfilled.  

This was the trip i discovered Michael McCloud.  We're at the Schooner Wharf bar, an institution worthy of the title landmark, and i cannot resist a local musician selling CDs.  I held off as long as I could, but he was actually wonderful.  He had a big straw hat and he moved like a sloth.  I suspect he was stoned.  One hit off his cigarette took at least 10 seconds.  Ten seconds is an eternity.  count it out.  I'll wait....   I only bought one CD that day but i currently own three.  Once I got back to the reality of everyday life, I ordered more online.  Check him out.  

My most recent jaunt to Key West was in 2020.  Mask wearing was in full swing, but it didn't stop us from having a blast.  Two months later my husband did leave me.  I only mention this because there is a coincidental connection between break ups and Key West I feel the need to point out.  Anyway back to the fun part of the story.  

This time it's my bestie again, and my new bestie.  Bestie was able to obtain for us a fabulous condo in Key West.  Love that woman.  I took them to see all the places my brother showed me, snorkeling in Pennecamp, sharks at World Wide Sportsman, rail bridges at Bahia Honda.  And all the places other bestie and I found in 2012, looking for Key Deer on No Name Key, cruising down A1A in a convertible.  You know my bestie has been there numerous times, so she has her favorites as well, most notably that Cuban place Pepe's.  Oh we had a ball.  Every time we drove by the naval  base new  bestie hooted and hollered, legs in the air and spread.  Alcohol may have been involved.  We did hit Duval hard.  This is the trip where i became obsessed with mojitos.  Most notably at the Southern Most Bar, but it seemed to be the special everywhere.  

Taking people to new places is always a joy.  The site of a tiny stingray or minute lizard derives squeals of pure excitement from some folks, let alone sharks and giant iguanas.  It helps me retain a sense of wonder.  anyway...

Let's talk about day drinking.  I love day drinking because you do it in the sunshine, hopefully in the ocean or pool.  I theorize the addition of vitamin D adds something to the experience of metabolizing alcohol.  this is the first time this has occurred to me.  I will do further research and get back to you.  As for the body of water portion, well that's nice anytime.  Reason number two is it allows me to engage in shenanigans whilst fully alert. This old broad likes to be in bed by nine.  If i do get sleepy, I can nap by the pool and no one calls the cops.  Try that at any bar.   Other things wrong with bars, too loud, too crowded, over worked (cranky) staff.  Sometimes it's impossible to get in!  Now the Good places, the really good places, ask you if you want double mimosas while you wait.  Technically that was a breakfast restaurant and morning, but still.  The answer is always an indignant Yeah!  I hope those overworked girls appreciate my humor.  Oh well, I tip well.  

So Smathers beach was interesting.  The fish were, well, friendly?  a little slap on the thigh, or on the ass was a bit surprising but tolerable.  it wasn't just me.  I could tell the lady some yards away from me was having her own minor violations, and her man's hands were in plain sight.  What did eventually drive me from the water was the swift wiggle between my thighs, mere inches from my hooha.  i'm not that desperate.  now think about this a little longer.  my thighs touch, like from knees to crotch.  the little guy really had to work to get through that (insert metaphor of your choosing here).  Enough about my nether regions.

so what else?  Did i tell you about the octopus?  My favorite thing about the keys is the plethora of wildlife.  During the Duck Key stay, I liked to sit on the rocks along A1A across from the turn in to our condo.  Brother was talking a lot to this girl, so yawn.  Plus I like to sit alone.  One day I hear some snorting.  I look over and it's a sea turtle, blowing water out his nose, snacking on algae.  WOW.  Next day I see a little octopus just sitting on a rock, minding its business.  Here i come along, a giant, and decide to touch (not poke) him with my sunglasses.  A tentacle snaked out and tried grabbed by glasses!  He was gonna take them from me if I didn't step off!  that was the year we found out about the invasive iguanas.  bastards would scoot across the roadway.  Drive slow.  I've already mentioned sharks, stingrays, deer, a variety of fish, roosters and lizards.  What more do you want.